The Unconventional Guide To Joseph Fine ISBN 979-8985347814
Meet Joseph Fine, whose surname is a painfully accurate assessment of his life at the moment. On paper, everything about him appears to be, well, fine. Successful lawyer. Respected by peers. Financially sound. Check, check, check. Well, not quite. This quirky, (just about) five-three guy decides to drop everything to venture thousands of miles from his uncomfortable comfort zone to figure out what it takes to live life and find love.
You are viewing a sample of the Kindle version
CHAPTER ONE
"… Babs thought he was terrific, she really did, but
the height thing. Something wasn’t right."
I left a promising career and the States to write a book and find the right woman. Are you kidding me?
After all of the soul searching and cerebral machinations, I took an indeterminate leave, and four weeks later, left New York for Venice on a Friday evening in late April right before a rainstorm hit the area. Venice is always busy, and this gave me a small jump on the tourist season. I packed lightly and brought my mermaid-patterned shirt and cowboy boots for good luck.
It was a mad rush to JFK after slogging through cone-laden streets to the airport. What a relief to be up in the air. For me, an admittedly excitable type, it was almost a moment of calm. I sat back, took a deep breath, sipped my first Dewar’s, and hoped for a smooth ride. So far, so good, right? Well, until a few more minutes passed, and I thought about Babs, and what might have been. Got to stop doing this. That was almost a decade ago.
She was an old flame (that’s a bit of an overstatement) who needed to be air dropped far away. I promise to stay calm while I tell you what happened.
A few weeks after college graduation, Joseph Fine (me, of course) returned from a trip out West with his old friend Jack. He ran into a woman from college named Carrie.
Carrie and Joe used to sit and have coffee after one of his classes. Carrie told her girlfriend Barbara, who she called Babs, that she should meet him. She said he’s cute in an animated, quirky way. A cross between a youthful Dustin Hoffman and Al Pacino. He wears tortoiseshell horn-rimmed glasses which make him also look intelligent. A little bit like the schoolmaster in Goodbye, Mr. Chips. Babs was excited about meeting him.
Carrie didn’t tell Babs that Joe is five-feet-three and one-half. And he is closer to five-three. Or less. Carrie thought it might be a non-starter if she told her. Babs assumed, based on upbringing and hard wiring, that the right guy for her was about six feet or within a couple of inches. Joe did not know Babs was five-feet-five and one-half. He was shy with women in general and especially women who were taller.
Babs meets Joe. She tries to hide her surprise. He is surprised too but finds her worldly and attractive with a sunny personality. Early into the date, Babs doesn’t think she can take Joe seriously. He acts like he is trying too hard. But he’s funny, and she hasn’t laughed so hard in a long time. She thinks about two short guys she knew in elementary school. They were loud and silly and craved attention. She thinks Joe might be different. Babs listens as he tells her about his goals. He’s going to law school to be an environmental lawyer. He wants to make a difference in his career. Little by little she is more interested. Joe becomes more relaxed and self-confident.
The next morning, Babs meets four friends at Starbucks. They want to hear about the date. After they learn about the height part, they’re concerned. One of them asks how she could go out with a guy who is five-three. If that. The others nod. They don’t get it either. Babs pushes back, says she will decide for herself. Yes, there’s his stature, but there is more to him than other dopey guys she’s known. He’s studious but not nerdy, well-traveled, and wants to protect the environment. And, by the way, she reminds two of her friends that they haven’t had much success with guys lately.
These were guys who were tall, affable, young banker types who went to pedigree schools. The girls had to agree with Babs.
Babs goes on three more dates with Joe and has a great time. She is surprised by how happy she feels. But something is not right. She thinks about what the wedding pictures would look like. They look awkward together. When she leans toward Joe as girls do in photographs, she still hovers over him.
Babs has to do something. She tells Joe she is not ready for a serious relationship. There’s too much going on now between her family vacation this summer and graduate school in the fall. Joe learned the real story months later when he ran into one of Babs’ friends. She said Babs thought he was terrific, she really did, but the height thing. Something wasn’t right.
In college, there were extended periods when I couldn’t get a date. Things got a little better in law school. Consciously or not, I limited the potential dating pool to women under five-two. Less risk of rejection. It was hard enough meeting women my own height or less. They also had expectations. It was about time that I had some too. So much for Babs. I am pleased to note that I stayed calm on the plane, and the flight was happily uneventful.
So, I am flying to Venice. It means I’m going somewhere. Maybe even getting somewhere. But I’m getting ahead of myself. What lead to this point?

The Unconventional Guide to Joseph Fine

Book Summary
Meet Joseph Fine, whose surname is a painfully accurate assessment of his life at the moment. On paper, everything about him appears to be, well, fine. Successful lawyer. Respected by peers. Financially sound. Check, check, check. Well, not quite. This quirky, (just about) five-three guy decides to drop everything to venture thousands of miles from his uncomfortable comfort zone to figure out what it takes to live life and find love. ISBN 979-8985347814
You are viewing a sample of the Kindle version
CHAPTER ONE
"… Babs thought he was terrific, she really did, but
the height thing. Something wasn’t right."
I left a promising career and the States to write a book and find the right woman. Are you kidding me?
After all of the soul searching and cerebral machinations, I took an indeterminate leave, and four weeks later, left New York for Venice on a Friday evening in late April right before a rainstorm hit the area. Venice is always busy, and this gave me a small jump on the tourist season. I packed lightly and brought my mermaid-patterned shirt and cowboy boots for good luck.
It was a mad rush to JFK after slogging through cone-laden streets to the airport. What a relief to be up in the air. For me, an admittedly excitable type, it was almost a moment of calm. I sat back, took a deep breath, sipped my first Dewar’s, and hoped for a smooth ride. So far, so good, right? Well, until a few more minutes passed, and I thought about Babs, and what might have been. Got to stop doing this. That was almost a decade ago.
She was an old flame (that’s a bit of an overstatement) who needed to be air dropped far away. I promise to stay calm while I tell you what happened.
A few weeks after college graduation, Joseph Fine (me, of course) returned from a trip out West with his old friend Jack. He ran into a woman from college named Carrie.
Carrie and Joe used to sit and have coffee after one of his classes. Carrie told her girlfriend Barbara, who she called Babs, that she should meet him. She said he’s cute in an animated, quirky way. A cross between a youthful Dustin Hoffman and Al Pacino. He wears tortoiseshell horn-rimmed glasses which make him also look intelligent. A little bit like the schoolmaster in Goodbye, Mr. Chips. Babs was excited about meeting him.
Carrie didn’t tell Babs that Joe is five-feet-three and one-half. And he is closer to five-three. Or less. Carrie thought it might be a non-starter if she told her. Babs assumed, based on upbringing and hard wiring, that the right guy for her was about six feet or within a couple of inches. Joe did not know Babs was five-feet-five and one-half. He was shy with women in general and especially women who were taller.
Babs meets Joe. She tries to hide her surprise. He is surprised too but finds her worldly and attractive with a sunny personality. Early into the date, Babs doesn’t think she can take Joe seriously. He acts like he is trying too hard. But he’s funny, and she hasn’t laughed so hard in a long time. She thinks about two short guys she knew in elementary school. They were loud and silly and craved attention. She thinks Joe might be different. Babs listens as he tells her about his goals. He’s going to law school to be an environmental lawyer. He wants to make a difference in his career. Little by little she is more interested. Joe becomes more relaxed and self-confident.
The next morning, Babs meets four friends at Starbucks. They want to hear about the date. After they learn about the height part, they’re concerned. One of them asks how she could go out with a guy who is five-three. If that. The others nod. They don’t get it either. Babs pushes back, says she will decide for herself. Yes, there’s his stature, but there is more to him than other dopey guys she’s known. He’s studious but not nerdy, well-traveled, and wants to protect the environment. And, by the way, she reminds two of her friends that they haven’t had much success with guys lately.
These were guys who were tall, affable, young banker types who went to pedigree schools. The girls had to agree with Babs.
Babs goes on three more dates with Joe and has a great time. She is surprised by how happy she feels. But something is not right. She thinks about what the wedding pictures would look like. They look awkward together. When she leans toward Joe as girls do in photographs, she still hovers over him.
Babs has to do something. She tells Joe she is not ready for a serious relationship. There’s too much going on now between her family vacation this summer and graduate school in the fall. Joe learned the real story months later when he ran into one of Babs’ friends. She said Babs thought he was terrific, she really did, but the height thing. Something wasn’t right.
In college, there were extended periods when I couldn’t get a date. Things got a little better in law school. Consciously or not, I limited the potential dating pool to women under five-two. Less risk of rejection. It was hard enough meeting women my own height or less. They also had expectations. It was about time that I had some too. So much for Babs. I am pleased to note that I stayed calm on the plane, and the flight was happily uneventful.
So, I am flying to Venice. It means I’m going somewhere. Maybe even getting somewhere. But I’m getting ahead of myself. What lead to this point?

A Word From The Author
My New Novel is coming to Amazon Prime & Kindle this Summer, check our News Section for more updates.
In The Unconventional Guide to Joseph Fine, Joe takes charge of his life and breaks with the stereotypes that go along with first impressions to create a reality that is more than fine.
Allen Danzig
Allen's Favorite Reads
Available On Amazon
Significance of Reading and Influence Great Books Had on me
I’m attracted to funny, entertaining, and smart. I’m talking about books. What did you think I was talking about?
Books that move, books that jump, books that grab me. And make me pause and think. Please don’t be long-winded or preach. Just tell me a good story and let me fill in some of the details or think about what it means. Give me contrast – happy and sad, ups and downs, good and bad. Layer it with emotion. Maybe even make me tear up in the end. And stay with me years later.
I remember the writers who affected me. The ones with a voice. And something to say. I’ll read along, and when it’s really good, I feel the writer is winking at me. She knows it’s good too. Is she becoming my imaginary friend?
And if it makes sense, I’d like a happy ending. Because ultimately, I’m optimistic.








“With echoes of Jack Kerouac and Woody Allen, Danzig sharply documents the protagonist’s triumphs and disappointments against beautifully realized depictions of Venice and the French Rivera. A thoroughly enjoyable romp.”

Ian Berger
Baltimore, Maryland
“Allen Danzig brings an exciting and dynamic new voice to storytelling. A brilliant novel detailing the emotional journey of a fascinating character. I couldn’t put it down. “

Dr. Mitchell Silverman
Scottsdale, Arizona
Allen Danzig’s deadpan humor and dry wit provide an exhilarating reader experience, as we follow Joseph’s unpredictable, quirky journey, leaving behind a secure lifestyle in pursuit of a more meaningful life and quintessential love. As an added bonus, the author provides picturesque insights into the charm and beauty of various locales in Italy and France, forming the backdrop in Joseph’s search for fulfillment.

Mary Egan
Cary, North Carolina
Prepare to be captivated. I found myself jealous and wanting to be Joseph Fine. What fun to follow his romantic and creative pursuits in colorful locales. I loved the intrigue of seeing who, if any, will be his soulmate.

Derek Cushman
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Short stories
Writing short stories has been a growing passion for me, inside these small plots and storylines I invite you to my world.
As we run through life, we come across many faces in different places, each one of them holds an entire universe within…These are their stories…
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